View from a Shop Doorway
February 1999
Copyright by Charles Henry
….” ‘Alf a pound a tuppeney rice,
…. ‘alf a pound a treecaw,
…. do as I say, not as I do,
….You’ll av ta drive a Volkswagon Beetaw".
I’ve ‘ad four quid so far smornin’ singin’. Mine you wun fat git nerly drove over I in ‘is Jag.. . basket! . . . ee looked jest like John Prescott!. . couln’t a bin ee tho, dis bloke wer wearin’ makeup. I fink it wer a bloke any ow, ard ta tell wiv sum on um.
‘Av you noticed der’s wun sort uv lies ex Tory ministers tells dat meens you mite av to go ta jail. Das tellin lies under oaf abowt oo paid yer ‘otel bill an pervertin justice. An anuver sort, das tellin’ lies under oaf about wever or not you ‘ad sex wiv yor secretary, which means yoom a bloody good bloke ! Corse I spose if alf the world is ‘avin a bit on da side dey finks das aw rite. . . Wot da tory geezer should a done is gone by Concord, ad da best room in the ‘otel an tawd da pryminister it wus aw guverment business, so two fingers to aw on you, . . . .like dey aw doos in yorup an New Laber.
I tawd ar muvver I’d fink seriusly about gettin’ a proper job now ar bruvvers left ‘ome. Ee ‘ates me you no. Wen we wus kids an ar mun used ta take us ta Weston. Eed ‘it I , make I cry, an’ nen tell da bloke on da donkeys we wus lost. . . Nen dey’d leeve I in loss property on da peer, an ‘eed spend aw da money ar mum give us on da slot machines. Till ar mum cum lookin.. . corse den eed deny it aw, da git.. . . . An ee wants ta get on da cowncil!
Its a grate pittey da Tories didn’t caw umselves New Labor dat ould ‘av saved Tony Blair steeling ‘alf da tory cloves. Ee could uv jest swapped partis. Mine you, ees still in a mess over yorup. Da peeple’s likely to say no.. . Dey don’t wont ta drive on the right an dey don’t wanna be rooled by dat brussels lot.. . . Guy Fawkes woold uv been proud a dey. Meeself I’d ravver be ripped off by dey in London dan dey in a forin cuntry. I meen. ‘ow can you lose £6 BILLION QUID. an not take responsabilitty. Wot a Joke!
Da Blair Broadcasting Company (BBC) av bin in full swing since ee came back frum S.Africa las mumff. Eev ‘ad more prime time TV Slots dan da spice gerls. As I understands it, Ees tellin’ everywon it’s aw rite fer us aw to be sex mad degenerits as long as weem aw makin a few quid an gettin ta work on time. If it’s aw rite fer Bill its’ aw right fer ‘ee, ee. reccons. Keep on smilin ‘an blame da tories wen anyfink goes rong..
Wot abowt Paddy den, I tawd ee ee wer on his way out. You might as well vote Tory agen now. I meen Tonys goin to be around fer abit aint ee an da only ope of getin someone sensible like Tony Benn in charge is ta vote tory an stop old smiley Blair from ruinin da Laber Partee fer ever . . ..At least we oudn’t be ruled by da Germans.
I saw ar anty lil las week, on da Centre. She wer pushin a pram wiv a baby she’d borrowed frum ‘er neybour. She didn’t alf make a few quid wiv it!. . . . beggin’ I meens. . . no she dint flog it, stupid! She’s wurrid dey’ll make Viagra compulsery cos er bloke av ad a ‘ip replacement an ee can get abowt abit now!.
Dey’ve reely seen ta da nite trade yer in town, wiv ‘Pay an Display’. At disss rate dere’ll be no one left ta beg from. dey’ll aw be out yer wiv I !. I’ll av ta get index linked like aw dey in charge. . . . Sum ope!
Ive jest ‘erd. deym gonna practice road pricin’ on da M32. It’ll be like avin pretend money wen we wus kids.. . Wot overpayed pratt fought dat up. . . . ” Oh! shall we take da bus today dahling or shall we pretend it’s going to cost us Tin Pownds an drive the Jeguah. . . . Wot joo fink mummy would do dahling". . . . . . . . you couln’t make it up could you!
An now Mandys floggin is owse, dey reccon eel make a quarter of a million tax free. . . .Ee won’t be needin da Big Issue will ee. . . great init!
