View from a Shop Doorway
March 1999
Copyright by Charles Henry
Well it’s nerly ‘alf past free.. . Wot day is it ?. . Dere’s not a sod about. It’s like a bleedin morge out yer. Well I’d sooner av boom an bust dan Gloom an Rust , wot wiv aw da rain wees ad. Ut least da boom ‘elped ee get over da bust. . .Dey didn’t cut intrest rates agen in da end did dey, dey awways ‘as ta wait till weem steelin milk off doorsteps don’t dey . I don’t know wot world deym in but it certinly ain’t dis un. Ar mum wus gonna get a morgidge an buy er cowncil owse. but dere stoppin dat now! Mine you I reccon she’s beter off spendin everyfing. If yoom old an got yer own owse dey waits till its fallin down round you den dey sticks ee in a ‘ome an flogs it off to sum rich git at ‘alf price. . . . Ar anty Lils got central eetin, dubble glasin, a nu roof , an dey pays er bleedin rent. Course dey reccon its aw gonna change now, but it ‘on’t.
Did you see dey luvvies oo wants ta teech little kids sex an give um transplants sos dey dont get in the club. Talk abowt bent! deym aw a load a perverts. Round ar way any bugger oo messes wiv ar younguns ‘ull find iself ‘oldin is self wiv boaf ‘ands wishin ee ant. (will find himself, holding himself with both hands wishing he hadn’t) Corse now da cowncils startin up clubs fer dey oo finks deym not normol sos dey can learn ow to av sex wiv each uvver an grow up nowing deym an under privlidged minority, an aw da boy scouts an girl guides can go ‘ang. An I got to tell you deym gonna implant some pervy blokes so dey can av babies wot! it’ll be like lancin a boil wen dey gives birf. An fink abowt dey poor kids wen deym growin up. I tell you deym sick. If diss is Blairs Britain you can bleedin keep it.
Did you know Over Forty people dies from chip pan fires every year?. . I spose dey’ll ban ar mums chip pans next. I mean only Twenty Six as died from Mad Cow altogether an look wot dey done ta da farmers. Undreds of dey as comitted Suicide, an’ dey dont reely no it caused it! Wheres da sense in dat. Corse its hypocrisy again init. I mean would you ravver eat Beef on da Bone er modified potatoes dat messes up yer imune system. Give I a rib of beef any day. Mine you I fink Tonys doin a quick U Turn on dis un. You no ee. . . Ee wont lead opinion if ee can follow it.
Ang on deres another of dey soppy women cummin oo keeps tryin to save I. I’ll av to look aw bedraggled an ‘ungry. Dey finks weem aw dopy an got no ome. course deres a few oos ten bob short of a quid an a few oos ad bad luck but I nos a few makin a ell of a lot more dan I. You can make Ten quid in alf an ‘our on some patches. Da trick is ta look aw sad at da girls, yer wastin yer tim wiv most of da blokes, well theym got more sense ant dey.
My bruvver tryed to get I arrested tover day. . . Ee ates me ya no. . I wus down the docks wiv a couple of uvvers avin a smoke, an dis copper cum along. Ee recconed eed been tipped off by a bloke on a bicicle. I said to un, ” Wus da pratt wearin a face mask an a funny ‘at ?” , Ee wooldn’t tell I but I could tell by da way ee wer smilin’ ee new it wer me bruvver. Wen we wus kids ee used to take da saddle off me bike. . dat were nasty. . It wernt too bad goin up hill but you try goin aw da way ta Baff.. . . . An’ ee wonts ta get on the cowncil . . da basket!
Our MP old wotser name, Labor I fink, av bin on anuvver junket, Cyprus I fink, ar muvver drinks dere sherry. She’s like aw da rest, dey gets elected an gets payed too much, den dey spends dere time serchin out freebie ‘olidays. Corse dey awways reccon deym fact findin. If it ad been a Tory dey’d a bin screamin Sleaze and Brown Envellopes. Das wot reely gets up my nose wiv dis lot.deym so two faced.
An now da ‘ome secretry reccons we got ta av a go at dese moufy ooliguns. You can see it can’t you, . . Old Fred down da road gives dis kiddo one up side dae ear an tells un to bugger off ‘ome. Next fing kiddo rings da bill an out dey come, sirens goin, ee aw ee aw, an arrest the bugger!
Fred I mean.. . Next fing deys givin old kiddo legal aid , ee gets fousands a pounds compensation an Fred gets charged an as ta do comunity service. I ‘m tellin you, you couldnt make aw diss up!
