View from a Shop Doorway
April 1999
Copyright by Charles Henry
Well anuvver mumffs gone by. At least its gettin warmer out yer. We’ve ad April Fools an April Showers. The Showers dat lot rownd da cabnit table an da fools is you lot fer votin em in. Yer petrols dearer, yer fags is dearer an yer penshuns getin worf less an less. . . I’n alrite, I got no car, I don’t smoke baccy an da social keeps I in da manner I’n customed to.
Wot jew fink of me dog then. I shares un wiv six uvvers. We take un down da social wen we signs on. I mean some on um dos it wiv kids dont um, dogs is dead easy, dey cant tell one from tother can dey, an wot can’t talk can’t lie. A good mungrels worf ‘is waite in gold, . . ee da luv I ya no.
Av you noticed da coppers is alot more frendly lateley, evin to us ‘onkys ? Meeself I reccon da relations act av caused more problims dan it’s solved. Da more dey goes on abowt it da more dey upsets peeple….. Tell ee wot thou, you never see no black guys beggin do you.. . now deres a fought for you. . . Deym probly too prowd.. well I aint.. . .Ah well thas enuff on dat subject or da fought police ull wanna give I a brain transplant frum a polynesian parrot.. . Mind you that could be useful. .
“Prittee Boy, Prittee Boy. . . . . . Give us a quid, Give us a quid.”
You can see I wearin pink lipstick an a mohican ‘aircut can’t you . You know the ‘Pink Pound’, . . Deym beter dan yoros any’ow.. . Russian Roobles ull soon be werf more un dey!
Da lorry drivers av ad enuff ant dey. Bit of a liberty thou makin dey pay a rediculous amount more dan da foriners fer deezaw and road tax. Blair ates um aw dont ee. Lorry Drivers, Farmers, Butchers, Anyone oo sells food, Car Drivers, Smokers, Anyone oo dont like Yorup. Eev eevin stuffed the teechers. ee ates um all., . . an alf of um voted for un last time. . .I bet dey ‘ont do it again . An now ee wants ta give extra lessos to dey oos got crappy teechers in the comprensives. . . Dass why we ad Grammer Schools in da first place wan it!. . Ow in the Ell do you fink my Bruvver got ta university , da git! . . NEPATIZM ?. . . . Ee Ates me you no. Wen we wus kids we used ta play dressin up games at are anty lils and cuzzon Ediffs. Eed play muvvers an favvers wiv Ediff an I’d av ta be in the push chair. Eed make I put on a dress den eed shuv a fillfy dummy in me mouf to shut I up while ee showed Ediff wot ee ad.. . No wot I mean ? . . an ee wonts ta get on the cowncil, da perv !
Anuvver labour git av got caught ‘avin a massage wiv some Thai gerls . . . Dey gets deported. Ee pleads police ‘arrissment . an da BBC pretends it didn’t appen. I spec Tony ull promote un into the cabinet. Eel feel at ome dere. Theym good at manipulating figgers, specilly Gordy. . Wens a Tax increese not a tax increese ?. . . . Wen Gordy tells you it ain’t ten times, . . stupid!
Wot about the war then. Old Slobadobs gettin a stuffin. Trubble is the people in Kosovo ’s payin a ‘eavy price. Ah mind you dey waits to long dont um. Dey should av seen to ee yers ago. Its like Saddam, dey buggers ‘ont stop till you make um. Trubble is aw da luvvies awways wurris about da crimnals. If it wus left ta dey wed be back in the twelff sentry under Gengizz Khan, er someone like un. Mine you credit ta Tony eev done a Maggie an ‘ees ‘elpin the Yanks sort fings out once an fer aw.. . Did you notice wen dey poor civillians got killed da BBC dint ask wot dey wer doin’ in a military convoy, . . .you no, Human Shields,. . oh no. They lets the Serbs Mouf off. . . Oos side are they bleedin on I wanna no ? One fing tho,. . . ‘member Enoch an ‘is ‘Rivers of Blood ‘ tirade, well ee wernt far wrong in Yugaslavia were ‘ee!, an the EU is tryin ta stitch the rest of us up right across Yorup. Well it aint gonna work is it. . Are Anty Lil reccons good fences makes good neybors an if you leaves yer gate open, aw da dogs in da neyberood ull be messin on yer lawn.
