May 1999

Copyright by Charles Henry

Guess Wot? I ‘ont be sat yer much longer. The geezer yer av give I a job as the gofer. I as to keep the front tidy and keep an eye out fer shoplifters. Now thas a turn up init. I told are muvver I’d get a job. She dint believe I thou. At leest peeple ‘ont just ignore I now. Its like I’n not yer some days. Still I’n bet’er off than they Koservers arn I. It must be ‘ell out there. Tel ee wot thou somes gonna be upset roun’ are way now theym cummin over ‘ere an getin’ owses wen loads as been waitin yers an yers an still ant got none. Thas too bad thou innit. I know where I’d ravver be, out yer.

Wot joo fink of the ‘lections then, they lost a few cowncilers din’um.Wot a turn up. Tony ull av ta watch out now ‘ont ee. I meen there’s a message there somewer. They all fought they wus gonna give da tories a rite stuffin but I reccon they’ve relized the labor party ‘ave bin pullin there wires a bit, Wot wiv all the traffic jams an the cost of pet’rol. . . They reccon ‘flations only two er three per cent. Are anty Lil ull tellee thas a load a crap. An all the time these rich gits gets millions floatin’ on the stock market. an oos payin fer all that?. . well we. . aint we!, well I aint but you is. I tell ee wot thou, thees dussn’t wanna be the last one sellin’ wen they all goes down.. . An they will, you wait un see. Corse it’ll be too late then ‘ont it. Thas all yer penshun money gone, an they’ll be all be laffin’ all the way ta the bank.

I saw are Ediff again the uvver day. Caw she’s a big girl now , an guess wot?, you godit, my bruvver, ees still all over er like a rash after all these yers. Corse they ain’t really related, she never new er dad an my bruvver never new ‘is, so I spose its aw rite. . . Ee ‘ates me ya no. Wen we wus kids we used to go round are nans on fursdys if are mum were out wen we cum ome from scaw. Are gramps ‘ud be sleepin in is chair , snorin’ wiv is mouf open lettin’ is tea get cold. My bruvver ‘ould sneek in, get ‘is false teef an stick um in ‘is cup. Corse then eed bugger off, an’ slam the door, an’ let I take the blame wen ee woke up an tryd ta finish it. Are nan new wot were goin’ on dint she. Shed clout un if she could catch un, but ee dint care did ee! . . . An ee wonts ta get on the cowncil the git!. . . I can ‘ear un now,"Dont wurry mum, I’ll look after ‘im",. . . I’ snowunder I’s turned out like I ‘as.

That wer a coincidence wern it, a couple a days after the Russians gangs up wiv Nato a bomb ‘its the Chinese Embassy an upsets they. An the BBC as usual gives um all the propaganda they wants.. . A bit bloody stupid thou wan’ it.

Did you see they extremists marchin’ round Bristaw tellin us to give up the pound an ave Yoros? They finks weem all soft in the ‘ed. An’ that tory git who gave away ‘Ong Kong ave turned nateiv and joined the Gravy train in Brussels. Eem a Tony Crony now. Mine you I reccon eel supprise all on you. Ees no mug an ee respects old ‘ague. They goes on abowt Right and Left but i’smore like Right and Wrong. You dont ave to be very bright to see the comunists in Yorop are callin them selves Lib-Dems tryin to turn it into the new soviet block. Patten ‘ont stand fer that, an’ I reccon eel tell Blair to ‘ang about abit, an Blair ull listen to ‘ee.

The Students is moanin’ about there grants again ain’t they, poor little luvs. I as ta laugh. they’s never got no money av um but theym always out there ‘eds on the weekends fillin all da bars. They wanna try it out yer afor they starts moanin’. I speck there mums finks theym all little dears but we no diffrent round yer don’t we.
I’d beter clear off if they reeds this they’ll use me nose fer a fist rest.

There’s never a copper wen you need one is there!