View from a Shop Doorway
August 1999
Copyright by Charles Henry
Caw I’n feelin stressed an I fink I got RSI. I’ll av ta ring me silisiter. Ow much joo reccon, a ‘undred fowsand?. . . more?. . . ah why not , they Bank workers gets it, why shoont I ? Theys reely buggered up the center ant they. Well I tell ee Swindon a soon be a better place than Bristaw. They aint got a clue av um. They finks its more portant fer a git on a bike ta ride on aw deese new pavements than fer peeple ta get yer by car. Any ow you ‘ont be able ta afford yer cars much longer so youd beter start lernin ow ta roller skate.
Wot about they oo goes fox ‘untin then. They reccon they fick cuntry bumpkins ull ave anuver rally in Ide Park. Tel ee wot tho, fousands a they went ta London an they dint leeve no mess did um. You see da filfy mess they gits leaves in Ashton Cort after da free festivul an the mess they ‘Claim da Streets’ gits leave. Corse I notice deese fings dont I. Its me job aint it. Are Anty Lil always says, we cant aw be clever but we can aw be clean. Mine you I’ve erd er tawk dirty wen she fought I wernt listnin.
Wot about Neel Kinnock then, you cant beleeve it can you. No bugger ull ave im over yer so they pays the git ta lord it in Brussells. No one asst I did um! You’d ave ta av twenty million quid in da bank ta live like Ee an Er. Tawk about shampain socialists , It sno wunder they likes Yorup. I fink I ould fer dat. . . An weem aw payin!
My bruvvers just bin up the slavery exibition. Ee reccons its a good fing. Ee reccons aw you Bristaw peeples a load uv eevall sods wot lives off ‘uman misrey an’ you eevin laughs at aw the Citee supporters. . . . . theym awways suffrin an getin a stuffin. . . . Ee ‘ates me ya no. Wen we wus kids are mum ‘ould let us watch Rovers. She nitted us a scarf each, you no, black an white. Well the git ‘ad a red an white un ee pinched off a citee supporter’s little sister down Eestville. Corse wen we gets there ee shoves the red’un rown me neck don’t ee. Corse I reely gets a good kickin’ then don’t I, . . . . An ee. . .ee wants ta get on da cowncil ! . . . Ah well I fink ee must uv bin born in Baff. Ee finks ees middaw class like John Prescott, ‘ is berf sistificuts bin foto copied so many times it looks like it were ritten by Enid Blyton. Its a work of art !. da basket.
Lockin up they wiv personality disorders were a good ideal Jack. That should solve a few problems. Two Jags cango fer a start. That’ll cut a bit uv pollution, an the sheep chaser off Clapham Common, I meen thas weird init. Mandy meddlesum mite get away wiv a short stay but Gordy, eev just flogged off alf are Gold cheap. . . Mind you Tonys got wild eyes ant ee, an’ ee needs a rest! . . Yep! . . Good finkin ‘ome sectry.
Did you know ders a bigger chance uv dyin’ frum TB than CJD. Corse theys conned the studunts an theym givin they meningitus jabs wen theys more at risk frum da drugs they takes, an’ all the time theys got no TB jabs fer alf the littaw kids, an all the bajgers is overrunnin the cuntryside an spreddin it. Are anty Lil rerccons they should uv turned all they in ta shavin brushes like they yoost to, that ud soon stop it.
The Bloke yer reccons the booms goin bust an intrest rates ull ave to go down agen, ee reccons wen they finds out alf the world aint solvent like that Dayoo lot, they owes 75 billion an theys only worf 50 billion, sum banks er gonna be in a elluuv lot a trubble. Yep an weel aw be payin for it like we did wiv the Channel Tunnel.
The Tories wun the bielection, I aint surprised. People dint vote em in fer (18)Ateeen yers fer nuffin. they nos da laber party aint reely got a clue. As long as Tony doos tory fings they’ll put up wiv im but if ee keeps on tryin ta plees all is lefty luvvies eel be out on is yer afor you can say “Ken Livinstone fer Mare a Lundon". wun last fought.
