View from a Shop Doorway
September 1999
Copyright by Charles Henry
You can’t beleeve it can you a couple a yers ago we wus all cursin da Tory government an wanted um out. Now weem got dis lot a meglamaniacs tryin ta bankrupt evryone wiv aw diss petrol tax and parkin tax. . . an we got da BBC tryin ta stitch us up wiv more licence fee, fer wot ? endless bleedin repeats! . . Tonys bin lordin it on da continent in a millionaire ‘ideaway, . . an nat pillock Two Jags is goin round tellin every one, ‘you cant build yer way out uv dis traffic jam’ cos ees goin block all the roads wiv bus lanes , red traffic lights an empty buses, so suck that. . . Well I voted fer Screaming Lord Sutch an da Ravin Loonies, may ee rest in peace, so you can’t blame I. . . Peeples funny in um., ‘member Mrs Fatcher an aw er Yuppies wiv aw dere mobile fones. Laber fawt dey wus werse dan insects dint um. Corse now deym aw got um, eevin da bleedin kids. Oose the yuppies now then ?, thas what I wanna no.
Da studants ull be back soon givin us all ‘ell, an next fing it’ll be dark nites agen. Yer did ee see da ‘clipse?. . dey reccond it ud go dark but it dint round are way. I wer squintin at it froo da clouds. It wer like a new moon. Mine you I spec it wer diffrent round your way, you pays more cowncil tax. . I spec you ad the ‘ole fing diemond an’ all. . . da Council reccons you rich gits gets it aw an dere avin sum uv it.
Petrols goin up agen. . . Ar anty Lil reccons Laber ont stop till dey gets frown out. She says da Tories tawd us deyd put up taxes but evryones too stupid ta relise. She reccons it’ll get ta £5 a gallon if we dont do summat aboud it now. Corse me bruvvers ridin is bike aint ee da git. Ee ates me ya no. Wen we wus kids eed get are muvver ta make I sleep over are anty Lils so’s cuzzin Eediff could stay over are ‘owse wiv ee. Ee reccond dey played records an dat but I reccon dey wus smokin sumfin a bit iffy. I used ta find dogends in me pencil case. Corse me teecher ud fink I’t wer I wot wer smokin unt she, den she’d tell are muvver an I’d get lines an a fick ere.
Wot joo fink abowt makin aw you use trains den. Ar anty Lils bloke reccons dey weren’t no good evin before dey got closed down by Beechin. . he reccons you couldn’t never go nowhere an get back late anyow. An wen you did dere wer never no buses goin to ‘alf da places peeple lived. Ee reccond goin courtin wer ‘ell, so dey aint a ‘ope in ‘ell uv makin it werk now av um. Ee reccons ’till dese gits finish joinin up the trunk roads an get rid of all dese traffic lites weel all be well an truly buggered.
Yer ave you noticed deys stopped tawkin abowt global warmin ? . . . Cos it goin ta get cawed an wet now dey tawks about ” Climit Change ” . Weem payin more an more fer water but it dont go nowhere do it ?. . We dont use it up like Caw (Coal) do we ?. . It just goes round an round don’t it. . If dey wus ta save a bit more wen it bleedin raind we’d av loads !. . dey finks weem aw stupid!
Mr ‘ Agues getin is wife to change ‘is imige, if I wer ee I’d take er evrywhere wiv I, summats bound ta rub off on un. Trubble is too many rich gits got a vested intrest in Yorup an dey nos ‘Agues rumbled um so dey says anyfink to make un look bad. . Corse dey nos ees rite an peeple don’t wan it. . . . An da new Liberal leader dont no which way ta look do ee. I meen Paddy wer cosyin up ta Tony an da new bloke finks eel get da blame as well wen it all goes wrong. An ee will. An av you noticed you never yers Priministers questions no more! das cos deys stopped us seein Blair blaimin evry fing on da Tories wen fings goes wrong. Mine you. its warin a bit fin now init. Say wot you like tho it wer Mrs Fatcher wot made us beter dan Yorup, not John Majer er Tony Blair! . Trubble is she wer a woman. I mean dey can’t cope like we men can um. I meen We aw nos dat don’t we. . . Still we as ta make allowances. .
