View from a Shop Doorway
March 2000
Copyright by Charles Henry
“Beware da Ides a March” dey ses!. . . Sod da Ides a March I ses,… ” Beware da bleedin cowncil” more like. . .Wot irriots puts fowntains in da centre wen we’ve ‘ad proper fowntains up da Vic rooms fer yers an dey can’t even look affter dey propley!
I ‘ad free(3) praposals on da 29th. a Febrey. . . Wun awd lady wiv a mustash, wun geezer wiv ear rings an’ Blue ‘air oo smelt like a perfume counter, an anuvver bird oo sed she liked da look uv me brush , an ast I if I wanted ta go up Cabot Tower. . . . She wernt too bad, cept I went up dere an waited a ‘our an a ‘aff an’ she dint come, an wen I got back it wer dark an’ me brush wer gone!. . . Deym aw da same dese women, dey only wants ee fer one fing.
Kens runnin’ fer Lundon Mare. . . Good on yer Ken, Go for it!. . . DA only way peeples gonna use buses is if they makes um dirt cheep like ‘ee did in Lundon wen ‘ee wer in charge before. Tony’s New Labers gonna get a lesson in democracy I reccon , unless uv corse dey fiddles da count like I ‘erd dey doos wiv da Union votes. . . I meen Dobbos got da personality uv a dead womble ant ee, an da Tory git is only doin it cos noone else wiv ‘aff a brain wants da job. . .an if dat ‘oman got da job she’d kill Lundun like deym killin’ Baff. Dey luvvies finks we can aw live on lentils, any ‘ow wiv out cars you can’t ‘Ich ‘Ike, an I awways ‘Ich ‘Ikes on me ‘olidays.
Dey poor sods in Africa is ‘avin a bad time. Are anty Lil reccons aw dey close to um wus too busy shootin each ‘uvver an spendin uver peeples money ta help dere neybors. She reccons life wer better fer aw dey wen it wer da British Empire, an now most of um in charge is aw corrupt like me bruvver. . . Ee ‘ates me ya know. Wen we wus kids ‘ee used ta get tuppence back on empty bottles, den eed sneak back an pinch um an make I take um back agen, an I still ‘ad ta give ee da bleedin money. . . . An ee wonts ta get on da cowncil. . . Das about right!
Latest fing down ‘arberside is a gawd (gold) dome. First dey tawks abowt Green bottaws on da tobacco bonds, now deys tawkin abowt a bleedin gawd dome! . . . . Any one ‘ould fink it wer Bombay not Bristaw, an nobodys ast I av um! . . . . Next fing weel aw be neelin on ar prayer mats in front of da cowncil ‘owse askin ala if we can stay in ar own bleedin cuntry after dey takes us over!
Did you know if da Cowncil wonts ta put da business rate up by 12 an a ‘alf per cent dey can do it aw in one go no problum, but if you gets a cut uv 12 an a ‘alf per cent cos deys buggered up Bristaw dey only gives ee 2 an ‘alf per cent. . . You as ta wait 5 yers ta get it aw. . . Corse by then its gone back up ta more dan it wer before so you never ged it any ow. See!. . .Eds dey wins, Tails you loses!. . .I ‘erd da bosses wife tellin’ da boss wot a pratt ee were fer beleevin anyfing laber says about ‘elpin’ bisness.. . Don ‘t blame I, she sed . . I dint vote for um! . . . . I tawdun meself, we’d aw be beter off if we wus illegal immegrunts!
Wot joo reccon abowt teechin kids sex then?. . Are Anty Lil reccons if they tawt um about wot its like wen kids is screamin an you aint got no money fer da gas meter an nuffin ta eat cept leftovers an stale bread, instead uv ow ta get get yer legover, we ouldn’t be avin sa many rushin’ ta put it about. She reccons they aint got no respect fer no bugger no more, not even fer thumselves, not like wen she wer a kid!. . . an’ she ‘ad it rough! . . Er bloke reccons theym aw tryin’ ta make it legal ta ave sex wiv younguns cos deym aw load a perverts. Ee reccons it’s a’ways old blokes wiv young boys. . . Anty Lil reccons she’d send um up the vets wiv ‘alfacrown, dat ud sort dey out!
Well springs uv sprung da daffodils er out an I’ll av ta av a ‘aircut . .
