View from a Shop Doorway
May 2000
Copyright by Charles Henry
Well; . . everyone I no’s pissed off.!. . Dat famous last budget av left most people I tawks to werse off. Less a corse youm a single muvver wiv ten kids, two adopted.. . Don’t smoke, don’t drink an can’t drive. Cos den sum uvver bugger ull av ta pay all yer bills.. . . I tell ee wot thou, last yer you ‘ouldn’t a givin old ‘Ague a cats in ‘ells chance uv winnin’ da next election,. . but now I dunno!. . . Suddenley it’s aw goin pear shaped fer Tony baby. Aw ‘is waffle av cum ‘ome ta roost. . . You got Rover, You got da Farmers, You got Yorop an da Pound too strong, You got ‘owses going sky ‘igh, You got da Ken an Dobbo road show. . . I tell ee wot, ‘is misses ull ave ta ave triplets ta get un out uv diss ‘ole. . Cheep loans fer nurses fer ‘owses seems like a good scam fer votes, . . trubble is, why jest nurses?. . I mean deres loads a people wots avin a tough time gettin a ‘owse. . . Bosses wife reccons deres one law fer dey wot works fer da guverment an sod da rest. She reccons wen dey started up dey ‘ad a lock up shop an ee an er used ta sleep in da store room an cook wiv a primus stove. Corse ‘elf an safety ‘adn’t been invented den ta make everones life a misery. . . . An wot abowt dey younguns wot wer born in villages an don’t like cities. Da farmers is buggered sos deres no jobs an evin if dere wer theyed get paid less dan I!.
Did you no it cost about 180,000 fowsand pound a job ta get ‘alf dey gits off dae dole in this ‘New Deal’ lark.. .. If some bugger ‘ad a tawd I, ar anty Lil ould uv kicked a few a dey buggers up da ass like she did I, an’ nen dey could uv bought a few ‘owses fer some nurses ta rent an built a couple uv new ‘ospittaws an all. . . . My bruvvers seein’ if ee can get a job doin’ wellfare work. Ee reccons wellfare is da groaf industry of da 21st Sentry. . . I tawd un it twernt, I tawd un it twer da dot.com people who ‘ad it made now. . . Ee said oh no, what’ll ‘appen now, dey’ll tax aw dey an spend it aw on wellfare fer illegal immigrants.. . Ee ‘ates me ya no, wen we wus kids ar anty Lil ‘ad a job down da Salvation Army ‘elpin get stuff fer Barnardos at Crissmus. . . Ee only ‘elpt is self ta ‘aff me stamp collection an’ me Beano Annuals, an nen tells ‘er dey wer ‘is, an dint give nuffin ‘iself, da git, . . . ‘an ee wonts ta get on da cowncil!
Dey reccon deys fixed da Fowntains up da Vic rooms, . bowt time. Corse now dey wants bisness ta pay fer da upkeep. Theys wasted aw dat money down da bleedin Centre doin’ sumfin noone wants now theys got da bloody cheek ta ast bisness ta pay more on top uv bisness rate after theys messed up all da roads an sent people out Cribbs. . I tell ee, you couldn’t make aw diss up!. . dey gits down da docks av pulled anuver one over everyone. dey ‘ont be appy till deys filled dockland wiv Tin Sheds . dey buggers ull build sum old rubbish nun uv us wonts, an nen deyll be off.. . You ‘ownt see dey fer dust.!
Wot abowt da bleedin Banks. dat can’t be right! Are Anty Lils bloke reccons deym makin aw diss money now cos uv ‘igh Interest Rates an Credit Cards, Ee says deys got a percentage on Every Deel, its like da Mafia.. . An da only way we can stop um is ta tell um aw ta get stuffed an go back ta ‘avin ar wages, cash in ‘and. . . Ee says a few mumfs uv ‘Sod Off You Buggers’ an dey’ll soon be back wantin are bisness. . Ee reccons wivout aw uv us deys got nuffin. . Deym out a bisness. . Ar Anty Lil reccons ees dissleptic er summat, she reccons if it wernt fer that eed a bin a Nuclear Fisisist er a Docker, She says wen ee wer young ee were like Big Bertha down the pub, big up front an no visible means uv support. She never new wot she saw in un den. . . She do now, Eev just ad a big win on da National.
I’ve just ‘erd Global Warmin means its gonna get colder now, not ‘otter! Seems ta me, wen dere wer a drowt, ” Thas it", dey says “not enough rain, . waw’er bills as ta go up". . .den it don’t stop bleedin rainin’ fer mumfs, An’ its “ah well its Climit Change” an weem gonna av Wet Winters. . Weem still payin mine’ you! . . Now da Gulf Streams gonna go tother way an’ its gonna get bleedin COLDER. . . An deym aw being paid fortunes ta tell us aw diss rubbish.
