View from a Shop Doorway
June 2000
Copyright by Charles Henry
Spring sprung in da end, I fawt we wus aw gonna get washed away back abit but I got me suncream out ready now cos if I start goin’ brown dey’ll eiver deport I or send I down ‘orfield fer exposin’ meself. . . Ken got da job in Lundun and Tony got a good stuffin’ in da local elections. Looks like ‘eve got a fight on is ‘ands now. I reccon if Tony Martins still in jail when da next election comes they’ll kick un out. Peeples ‘ad enuff uv aw dey fievin’ gits, summat ‘as ta change. ‘Ague nos wot ee tawkin’ abowt I reccon.
Da Cowncils bein’ run by da dirty ‘alf dozen now.(well eight any’ow) . Da deaf (death) squad. . . Its gettin’ more like Russia, they’ll ave a meetin in da ladies toilet, phone up a couple of da uvvers, cock up summat else, an’ nen try an tell us das deemocracy. Bristaw used ta be a good place now theys turned it into a place fer Luvvies at Lunch Time an’ Tossers at 10 a-clock.
I ‘erd next fing da guvernments gonna ban Jury Trials an’ Magistrates!, deys already done fer legal aid unless yoom a croney. We’ll av yoof out uv control cos now deys jailed sum poor favver fer given ‘is boy a clout fer moufin off. Crist if yer favver cant stop you, an yer teachers too stessed, an’ da Pleece only care if yoom doing Ferty Two in a Ferty Mile Limit. Wot ‘ope is dere. . . . Da Looneys as takin over da ‘Sylum.
Next fing weel be ‘avin sex adverts on telly dey reccon. I ‘erd deys gonna legalise protitution an drugs. . Its bad enuff ‘avin ta ‘ear abowt sum birds period wen yoom sat in front uv da telly avin yer supper wivout aw dat. . . Deys already got pervert programs on channel 5, an da BBC cant do nuffin wivout sumones gettin’ rogered. . . .My bruvver likes it, Ees on da internet!. . das aw dat is, porn fer perverts like ee. an da guvernment wonts aw da school kids on it an aw! . . Ee ates me ya know, wen we wus kids an ‘ee wer playin docters an nurses wiv ar Ediff, Ee used ta make I take ‘er dog fer a walk wile ee took er tempercher an ‘ad a look fer er Umbalical Cord. . . . An ‘ee wants ta get on da cowncil, tawk abowt Clapham Common!, . . . .Wots it aw cummin to?
I aint gonna tawk abowt da da bleedin baybee. If ‘ee dint av da sense ta ‘ave da bleedin snip thas ‘is lookout, serves un right, bleedin irresponsible I reccon, an a poor example ta da younguns. Ar anty Lil reccons deres nuffin more borin nan uvver peeples kids, speshly baybees. You got dese women moaning now abowt not avin a cresh in parlament. I mean wot da ‘ells goin on?. . . Dey wants aw da pleasure an nun uv da pain. If dey wonts kids dey should bleedin stay ‘ome an look after um I reccon. Das ‘alf da trubble taday no buggers lookin after da bleedin kids. an deym aw turnin inta ‘ooliguns.
Weem bein’ stitched up over Genetic Food aint we. Dey finks weem aw stupid! . . . Dont tell I dey dint no wot dey wus doin’. Too late now aint it. . Its out dere everywhere an dere’s nuffin we can do cept ‘ope to ‘ell it dont change nature an kill us aw. Someone should pay fer that I reccon. If da Tory’s has ta get da blame fer BSE, wen deres more a chance uv gettin a dose a Clap den ol Blair ‘as ta take da blame fer gentic food. . . . . No Risk!. . . ‘ow da ‘ell do ‘ee ‘no?
I’n finkin uv takin GCSE. Dey reccon you can do it aw on computer now an take as long as you like. Not like wen ar anty Lils bloke took ‘is. In dem days you ‘ad proper tests an if you dint know it on da day youd ‘ad it. Dey reccon now dey judges you on yer yers work. Corse das awrite wiv socalology an dat , but wiv maffs if you don’t no you’ve ‘ad it. . . . If dey says wots da shortest distance between two points, its no good sayin, “A number 9 bus". Cos since deys buggered up the centre it’s probly quicker by scateboard. . . . I spec dey ast dat girl at Oxford if she’d cum wiv er Mater. . . . She probly sed she wer still single and dint believe in sex before marriage, an they fought, ” Stroof she ‘ont fit in yer".
Look at da bleedin time, Bosses wife sed if I ‘adnt finished I’d ave ta stay late wiv ‘er.
