View from a Shop Doorway
July/Aug 2000
Copyright by Charles Henry
Wot joo reccons gone wrong fer poor old Tony then ? . . . Bosses wife reccons eev bin rumbled ! . . . . . First da WI lets un no you can’t pull da wool over dere eyes , an next peeple can’t understand why da buggers sa wurrid abowt Fox ‘untin while we got ‘ooligans roamin Yorup an undreds uv illegal immigrunts tryin’ da get on labers gravy train. . . . Eed ravver make criminals out uv fowsands uv law abiding cuntry peeple than get on wiv da job ees sposed to. . . She reccons ees trying ta start a class war, cept ‘alf they untin’, shootin’ an fishin’ lot is ordinery workin’ blokes, . . . women an aw!. . . . She reccons eev blown it now an she’ll vote fer ‘Ague next time. . . . I likes ‘is wife meeself,. . wots ‘er name?.. Feyon?. . .summat like that. . . Keeps ‘er mouf shut don’t she, . . that ‘ould suit I!
They pratts down Boadmead still seem ta fink peeples goin ta go shoppin’ on dere bikes! . . . They just don’t ged it do um. John Lewis left cos Cribbs av got a bleedin’ great Car Park an that new lot wot cum yer ‘av found out da same fing!. . . Ow many more stores ull av ta close down afor some bright spark decides ta clear a space fer a bloody great car park an turn off a few red traffic lights. Mine you they pratts in Baff av been readin’ frum da same bleedin ‘im sheet ant they. . . . Corse all they gits wot gets on da cowncil gets dere wages anyow. . . . Sod da bleedin’ shopkeepers they says. . . . Wen aw they got is pubs, cafes an knockin’ shops full uv druggies an drunks it’ll be too late. . . . You can’t tellum tho!. They ownt listen.
Da bleedin germans er ‘avin da world cup. . . . Well it’s Yorup aint it! . . . They rules da roost now. Best fing I reccon any’ow, … p’raps now peeple a reelize Yorups abowt doin’ wot yer told by all they in Brussels. You can’t beleeve a word any of the buggers tells you. Theym all like a load a leeches suckin’ yer blood an nen sayin’ its fer yer own good. Instead uv givin’ is boy a clip round the yer fer makin’ un look an evin bigger pratt than usual, getting’ pissed an’ nen arrested, . . Tony’s tryin’ ta launch ‘New Improved New Labour’, aw we need now is da cash back coupons!. . . . Are Anty Lil reccons ees spinnin’ out uv control an it’ll aw end in tears. . . . She reccons da reality on da street don’t match up ta aw ‘is bullshit. . . . . . . . It’s da same wiv me bruvver, ‘ee rides round on is bleedin bike, wiv ‘is face mask and ‘is poncy ‘elmit, aw soopeerier, . . nen ‘ee swans off on bleedin ‘oliday in one uv they filfy ‘airplanes causin’ more pollution thun da Duke uv York’s men after they’s bin eetin’ bad baked beans. . . . . Ee ‘ates me ya no, my bruvver! . . Wen we wus kids ee used ta spend ‘is dinner money on fags. . . It used ta give un assma. . . I tawd are muvver ee ‘ouldn’t ged it if ee didn’t in’ale. . . Corse she fawt I meant ‘ee shouldn’t breev (pitee ee do) !. . . . When she found out da troof, she belted un, an nen ‘ee belted I!. . . an ‘ee wonts ta get on da cowncil , da basket!
Gordons gonna start spendin’ some uv are bleedin’ money eev stolen. Ee finks weem aw stupid!. . Ee finks weem gonna say “Oh fank you Gordy” wen just before da next ‘lection ‘ee starts ta give sum uv it back. . . . . This lot treats are tax money like it wus cumpany profits an theym da bord uv directers all avin a bleedin’ neesup wiv dere cronies , while we aw pays! Well I reccon enuffs enuff , we wants it aw back!
Da ‘om secrety finks ees abuv da law. wot awt ta ‘appen is stop aw dees dafty speed restrictions on da moterways an keep it aw movin’. Wots da point in avin modern futeristic cars if weem aw sposed ta av a pratt wiv a red flag walkin in front. wot we wants is cars on roads, peeple on footpaves, an bikes in da hedge! thas not too difficult is it?
Wot abowt the littaw princess nen. Dat young Sarah, poor littaw luv. Dat reely upset I, . . .
Bring back ‘Angin fer bleedin perverts. I says. They’s got ta catch dat eevil bastard wot done fer ‘er . . . An we wants nun uv they liberal luvvies tryin’ ta stop us givin’ un wot for. Are ‘anty lils bloke reccons if they catch un, ee ownt survive long in jail, an if they wants volunteers fer ‘Ang Man, Eel do it fer nuffin’. I told un, sorry mate, you’ll ‘av ta wait at da end uv da quew.
