View from a Shop Doorway
September 2000
Copyright by Charles Henry
Can’t beleeve it!. . . Just as we aw gets used to a bit uv peece an quiet an’ a place ta park, wiv aw da students out da way, da buggers is back agen in dere ‘ordes cloggin’ up da streets wiv dere bleedin’ cars, . . an diss time a yer we got aw da nu freshers an aw. . . I dunno where da buggers gets dere money. . . I ain’t even got a pushbike!. . . . I shouldn’t uv sed dat, I takes it back. . . You ‘ouldn’t see I on no pushbike no ‘ow. Bike Ridin’s fer pratts an puffters like me bruvver. . . Any ‘ow Bristaws aw ‘ills aint it. . . . Wot goods a bike?
Dey reccon Bristaws da slowest citee in England. . . I ain’t suprised!. Da cowncils spent yers closin’ aw da roads an stickin traffic lites an crossins in stewpid places. An’ weem aw daft enuff ta let um do it. Apart frum pubs an eetin places, the centre uv Bristaws dyin’. Corse da new stuff down ‘Arberside, At Bristaw an aw dat, mite ‘elp stop da bleedin’ rot, but I shouldn’t ‘old yer breff.
Are muvvers seein if she can take on a couple uv illegals. . She reccons deres ‘undreds of um wiv nowhere ta live. . She reccons it’ll pay better than er carers allowance fer er bloke, an’ any’ow theym gettin suspicious obout ‘is limp ever since sum bugger saw un down Eastville avin a punchup. Ee recconed ee were bein’ mugged, ‘cept we found out later da uvver bloke were a Jovas Witness oo works fer da cowncil.
Wot abowt da bleedin French nen, blockin da tunnel an da ferries. Ow is it they gets away wiv it, an when are lot, farmers er fishermen an they trys it, da government and da beeb makes out theym breaking da Law an wonts da plod arrestin um, cept diss time Blairs bit off more n ee can chew, if ee don’t give in, eel be out next time fer shore. Are Anty Lils bloke reccons if theres anuvver war, well av no fishin, no farmin, no factries, no caw mines, no bugger makin bullets er bombs, no ships an no ‘ope. . . Ee ‘opes da IRA blows up da tunnel.
‘Ighways Afority stuck it to us aw when dat bad crash blocked Norf Bound M5. First excuse an they closes Souf bound an aw!. . . It were like Crismus fer they wern it!, couldn’t believe dere luck could um. . . Grid Lock Souf West at a stroke. It’s da same yer in town, they buggers up evry bleedin road an nen tells us its are fawt. There ‘as ta be a few ‘eds rollin up ther afor they does fer aw of us. . . . My bruvver wants ta werk fer they, ee luvs aw dat. Wen we were kids ee ‘ated I so much ee used ta push I out on da Zebra Crossins an make da cars screech to a ‘awt. Ee luved it wen da drivers blew dere ‘orns an swore out da window at un. Eed make rude signs an nen run off laffin. . . Scared I ta deff dinnit!. . It sno wonder I stuters!
Yer woss aw that abowt Pryministers wife defending sum feedofile, er peedophile er wot ever they caws they scum. . .Wots goin on then ?. . They gets legal aid an aw. Its ‘appenin’ again init, they takes are money an uses it like its bleedin momopoly money printed just fer they aw ta av a good time. An da bloody dome an aw, thas da same. . . Millions an Millions uv are money! ‘Ow much more uv diss nonsence ull peeple put up wiv afor they sticks it ta Blair an ‘is money grabbin’ cronies. Bosses wife reccons Blairs days is numbered, da sooner we as a ‘lection da better. She says it takes alot ta get peeple goin but once they do deres no stoppin um. She says it were like it in da war. . No one wanted a war, but once they started it, we finished it.
Yer ‘ow cum one famly a ’staystills’ can sell dere bit a ground ta da cowncil an nen they puts in dozens uv travler famlys causin’ grief instead. Typical laber con trick that, aint it. . . You couldn’t trust this lot wiv yer old grannies false teef. . . Theyed take um down da market, stick um on gawd(gold) chains an sell um off as twelf centry mongolese castinets. Thas if they din’t try an recycle um first.
Next fing they’ll be digin up da roads and sticking cables, gantrys an that fer Trams. . . I can’t see it meself. . . We aint got no room fer buses any ow, but a least they uses roads like da cars even if they is empty most uv da time. If they causes any more congestion in Bristaw it’ll be like France when they goes on strike. Trubble is none uv da buggers oo wants trams as ta make a livin yer. I wish they’d aw bugger off back where dey cum from an leave us aw alone. It were awrite afor they went ta war against cars an let Cribbs ave aw da bisness. Any ow if they lets any more in, dere ‘ont be no room fer none us us yer no more.
