View from a Shop Doorway
April 2001
Copyright by Charles Henry
I’n a stutistic. . . I got me job back. . .well two ‘ours in da morin’ any ‘ow. . . . Minmum wage an’ no sex! . . .das wot dey calls Full Employment. . . . I’s employed an’ da guvernments full a sh. . .sh. . sh. . . oh I ant bet’ter say dat. . . Da ‘lections loomin’, an’ accordin’ ta Alister, Tonys gonna ‘ave anuvver landslide. . . . Gawd ‘elp Bristaw das wot I ses. . .Weem awready payin’ fer lesbian lessons down da cowncil ‘owse. . . If dey gets in agen dey’ll be ditchin’ clause 28 an’ be avin campin’ lessons on college green. . . . Boy scowts luvs goin’ campin’ don’t um.
Yer dust no anyone ‘oos got stocks an shares?. . Are anty Lils bloke reccons if yer penshun aint indexed yoom gonna be werkin till yoom 84. . . . Ee reccons yorups gonna take aw yer savin’s an giv ta da central bank cos nun a dey uv saved nufffink. . . . . Ee reccons theym aw ‘opin’ weem aw too stupid ta notice theym aw livin’ like lords while weem killin off are farmin’ an fishin’ an’ livin on pitzas an’ cheep wine.
Foot and Mouf ‘av got out uv ‘and. . . Aw da bullshit frum da guverment dint stop it spreadin’.
Instead uv getting’ stuck in an’ getting’ rid a aw da dead bodies dey pratts abowt lookin’ fer dere wellies. . .Weem tawd da cuntrysides open. Deym killin’ elfy animaws wots two miles frum a outbreak but wot I wonts ta no is wot bleedin road er cuntry pub is two miles frum sum poor buggers farm. . . .Nun wot I nos of.
My bruvvers ridin round wiv a sign on ‘is butchers bike sayin’. . . ‘SMOKE POT NOT TABACCO’. . ‘SAVE DA FARMERS’. . . Ee reccons if Tony lets da farmers grow Cannibus deyll save da cuntry side, . . be ‘appy fer ever more an aw vote laber. . . . I sed to un, . . I spose dere pigs ull fly um selves ta market an’ aw, an’ save on deesaw. . . . Ee ‘ates me ya know. Wen we wus kids ee used ta put is chewin gum in me pencil sharpener an use me pensils fer drum sticks. An nen wen I lernt ta rite da led in me pencil kept breakin’.
Teechers is goin on strike, dey reccen if Tony don’t urry up and sort out da bleadin’ mess. Education, Education, Education, wus wot ee sed. . . . Wot we got is ‘Dick’Ed’ rules an ‘Dick’Eds’ Dad ull give you wot for if you trys ta sort out ‘is degenerate ingrutt. . . . Till sum pratt sorts out da parents weem breedin’ ‘ordes a ‘ooliguns an deym growin up an breedin’ ‘undreds more! . . . Ar anty Lil reccons til we gets corperutt punishment back dey ont lern nuffink.
An guess wot! . . . ‘alf dey up London uv got TB now. . . Ar Anty Lil caws it consumshun, . . wot ever dat is. . . She reccons peeple were dyin’ uv it back before da war. She reccons da illegal immigrunts is givinit ta da locals. Corse ‘member I sed they dint av no TB jabs fer da kids an dey wus givin da studunts jabs fer meningitus fer a smoke screen. . . . Ah well I wernt far wrong wer I. . . 400 ‘undred dies a TB every yer but only a few dies a mad cow.
Da Round’Eds is out in force agen tryin ta bump off da Queen. Sum sneaky sods frum da newspapers cons ol’ Sophie Wotsit inta spillin da beans. . . I mean we aw nos Tony’s misses ‘ates angimals. . . First fing she did were chuck da bleadin’ cat out uv No.10. . . It shount be no surprise Sophie finks theym aw lefty drongos. . . . I meen Tony don’t reely fink da royal famly is socialists do ‘ee ? . . . I meen next fing eel be wantin’ um ta fly da red flag over Buck ‘Owse.
Any ow if you dint fill in yer sensuss proply you’ll aw be up ‘orfield fer Chrimus, so you might as well stick yer loose change in me ‘at wen you comes by an’ save payin da tax.
