View from a Shop Doorway
May 2001
Copyright by Charles Henry
Can you beleeve it, . . weem gonna ave da ‘lection at last. . . I couldn’t a took no more mumffs uv ’shall we shant we’. Tony uv been doin ‘is ‘Trust me I’m a Docter’ act. . . We aw nos ee an aw is cronies is lyin’ gits, but ee finks weem aw stoopid ! . . . An I spose if ee gets in agen, ‘alf uv you buggers must be !
Da troof is ‘alf da country uv bin buggered by foot an’ mouf, an da uver ‘alf don’t give a monkey, cos theym aw on da gravy train wiv are taxes. . .Yer! . . uv you tried drivin’ on any country lanes lately ?. . . . If you aint careful you loses yer wheels down some bleedin’ great pothole. You’d fink Tony ‘adn’t ‘erd a tarmac ! Ee seems ta fink as long as ee gives kids cumputers ta play pornography on da ’superhighway’ it don’t ma’ter about da public ‘ighway.
I caught me bruvver tryin’ ta cadge a lift ta work wiv a bloke frum da tow truck firm. . . Corse they as free parkin’ don’t um. . . . Ee an ‘is lot tries ta get us ridin’ bikes an nen first time it rains, ees off cadging lifts!. . . Ee ‘ates me ya no. . Wen we wus kids ee yoost ta get are muvver ta let un stay ‘ome on ‘is berfday so’s ee could play wiv me train set. . . I’d get ‘ome an find eed turned me guards van inta a shelter fer ‘omeless gypos an aw me wheels ud be missin’! . . . . . . . An ee wants ta get on da council!
Da guvernment an da pleece reccons we aint got no crime, only da percepshun uv bleedin crime. . . . Funny aint it. . . . . We as ta barracade are ‘owses, stick bergler alarms on are cars, chain up are bikes ta lamp posts, an av aw they Big Bruvver Cameras in aw da shops an on streets. . . . . We catches da buggers an da judge sends um down, Nen six mumffs later Jack Straw lets da buggers owt agen. . . You couldn’t make aw diss up!
Tony’s tryin ta keepYorup off the election agenda. Ees ‘opin peeple ownt notice, an nen eel sneek it frew wen we aint lookin. . . . Ees still o’pen they’ll ask un ta be presidunt an weel aw av ta bow an scrape to un. . . . Trubble is more an more peeple across Yorup is wakin up ta aw da bleedin’ nonsense. . . . . . . Italy uv jest voted fer a man uv da peeple oo ownt av none uv dere messin wiv are liberty. . . Da Liberals uv lost da plot an aw. . . . .They finks weem aw stoopid an aw. . . . They wants more Tax, more Yorup, an more Big Bruvver, an wots more ol’ Kennedy aint even ‘ad a job sellin da Big Issue before ee cum a MP. . . Meself I reccon if they aw cleared off ‘ome da country uld get on an run itself.
Wot about ol ‘Two Jags’ givin dat farmer one, fer chuckin’ a egg at un. . . If da farmer ‘ad giv un a punch back, eed a been locked up fer life, like they wants ta do ta ole Ronny Biggs agen. Funny aint it. . . . If a copper fumps a bleedin lout. . . Dey locks up da copper. . . . If a teecher clips a kids yerole. Dey locks up da teecher. . . .If you fumps a burgler steelin yer valubles. Dey gives da burler legal aid and locks up you. But ole ‘Two Jags’ , ee does a ‘Enry Cooper an they makes a bleedin ‘ero of un. . . . . One law fer all they an’ sod da rest uv us.
Mine you Tony ownt go tawkin ta no strange women in da street no more. Ee don’t like finding out ow da rest uv us as ta live do ee. . . . Any ow, June da seventh an weel aw know wever we av ta leev da cuntry before Tony turns us over ta da Germuns er wevver it were aw a bad dream and da government have been fixin da ‘pinion polls ta get us ta vote fer um agen. . . . Yer ! . . . Tell I . . . . If da countries in such a wonderful state after four yers a Tonys Baloney . . . . . Why er we aw so pissed off ?
