View from a Shop Doorway
November 2001
copyright by Charles Henry
Yer . . . I’n confused.( it don’t take much) . . I don’t no wevver ta be ‘appy da IRA av poured cement down sum geezers outside privvy. . . . . be pleesed weem gonna give Bin Laden wot for. . . . Er sick as a pig cos it’ll be free yers befor ar anty Lils bloke can av a ‘ip replacement. . . Still wot ever dey says it’s a bleedin good day ta flog yer ‘owse before property prices collapses.
Government uv cloned sum more sheep. . . Twer aw rite till sum bugger tried ta castrate wun wiv a rubber ring like dey doos. . . .Deym still tryin ta get it’s ‘orns out uv da geesers backside. . . . an now deym makin’ out it dint start mooin’ till sum Tory git give it sum old animal feed wiv minced cow init !
Bristaws gonna go ahead an av Road Tolls. . . .Deym gonna charge everyone five quid to cum yer . . . sod dat I says, . . it aint good !. . . we might as well aw just cleer off now an go an live somewheres else.
Tony Martin av bin tawd ee aint a murderer. . . . Well, . . aw we new dat din us. . . .Wot I wonts ta know is wot good its doin’ lockin’ un up. . . Dey lets IRA murderers out uv Irish jails an den locks up dat poor sod fer defendin’ is ‘ome frum thieving gits in da middaw uv da bleedin night. . It strikes me me eev bin locked up cos ees a Tory farmer, . . not fer wot eev done!
Weem aw gonna be allowed ta grow pot now dey reccon. . . seems like deys decided dere aint enough coppers to stop us doin it any’ow. . . . I reccon weem aw gonna be allowed ta go shop liftin an aw soon then, cos dere aint no coppers on da streets ta stop dat eever. . . Still dey tells kids shopliftin aint really thievin any ow, so it ownt make much diffrence.
My bruvvers bin down da centre wiv is mates, dey wants ta stop da bombin’. Ee finks if you tawks ta bin Laden nicely eel say ees sorry. . . . Deym two uv a kind. . Ee ates me ya know! . . .Wen we wus kids ee yoosed ta put marmite in me orlicks an salt on me shredded wheat. Corse ar muvver never knew. . . She fawt ee wer luvly!. . . She still do!.
Weem gonna be allowed ta keep clippin’ kids yeroles an aw, . . not dat youd notice any bugger ‘ad bovered fer yers. . . Deym aw beatin’ up awd ladies now ta get money ta pay fer dere spliffs. . an teechers is aw stressed cos da buggers ownt do as dey’s tawd, an ownt lern nuffink no more. . .corse if you said ‘bend over, I’n gonna give you one’, dey’d fink you wus queer dese days!
Owse a Lords gonna be full a Tony’s Cronies now. Dere Lordships yoosed ta give government a kick up the ass wen dey needed it. . . Diss new lot ull jest be doin Blairs biddin’. An now wiv aw diss Labour sleaze catchin’ up wiv um. . .You can’t trust nun uv em! . . Dat lecturer git wot runs transport av bin caught lyin’ again. . . . I mean wot buggers gonna invest ‘is savin’s in anyfing if da bugger keeps pullin’ da plug. . . .We aw knows dey needs subsidies fer trains!. . . das why dey closed it aw down in da first place! . Ee lied ta dat BMW git, an now ee lied ta da regulator. Eel av ta go . . An dat Scottish git wer sublettin’ ‘is government offices makin’ a bit on the side wiv out tellin no one. Ee ‘ad ta go an aw!
Looks like IDS, . . you know, Smiffy, is getting’ da ‘ang uv ‘is new job leadin’ da Tories. Eev got a ‘ard job followin ‘Ague, cept Tonys tryin’ ta sneak Yorop on people again, Smiffy ownt put up wiv dat. . . . Ees a no nonsense bloke an won’t av no truck wiv Tony’s bullshit. . . Ees a plain speakin army man, an if Tony keeps up wiv ‘is double tawkin’ weazle words, Eel tell un!
‘Ague wer right I reccon. . . Tony ull probly wait fer summat ta appen like Sept 11th. An say ta Gordon ,” I reccon it’s a good day ta stick one on the ‘lecterate today. .We’ll bolish da pound tanite an tell um in da mornin’ .". . You no, . . . . like pinchin bums wen deres a power cut!. .
