View from a Shop Doorway
January 2002
Copyright by Charles Henry
Stroof ! ..diss bleedin’ New Yer is gallopin’ on agen. . . Railways is on strike, Roads is aw dug up, ‘Ospitaws is aw overcrowded, Violent Crime is ut record levels an’ Tonys off on anuvver uv ‘is bleedin ‘olidays. . . . Ee seems to av fergotten ee wer voted in ta look after ar anty Lil an’ er dodgy ‘ipp, not da Tootin’ Broadway Cultural Alliance of World Wide Whiskery Winos, Dope ‘Eds an Whicker Basket Makers. . . . Funny aint it, Teflon Tony ownt tell us abowt wevver ‘is spratt uv ‘ad MMR er not but ee don’t mind tellin da world abowt sum poor old codger wot pees ‘isself, if ee finks it’ll get un out uv da shit over ‘ospital treatments.
Mr Birt ‘wer drafted in ta sort out Stephen Byers cock ups. . . Funny ‘ow dese new Crony Lords cums in ‘andy wen dere’s a mess ta sort out. . .Twernt so long ago dey wus making out Ee wer makin’ a mess uv the BBC an’ now suddenly ees a bleedin expert on transport.
Well I tell ee wot! . . . a record number uv you buggers bawt a bleedin’ new car last yer! . . an yoom payin’ record ‘igh taxes fer da privlige. . . .Wot I wanna no is wen er dey gonna finnish building aw dey bypasses we wus promised an wen er dey gonna sack dey prats wot keeps orderin’ new traffic lights ?
Aw da luvvies is worrying abowt dey murderin’ gits wot blows up planes now dey’s caught sum uv dey wots bin fightin’ in Afghanistan. Ar muvver reccons dere’s millions a peeple wot ud luv free squares (three square meals) an’ a shower evry day. Deym aw pissed off cos da Yanks sorted out Afghanistan in double quick time. Dey aw ‘oped deyed be out dere fer yers an yers not gettin’ nowhere.
IDS av bin a bit uv a turn up. Eev give da guvernment a bit uv a scare. . . .Wen ee gets angry ee sticks it ta Tony no messin’ an Tony don’t like it do ee. . . Ees just like my bruvver. . .Wen ee yoosed ta get a dose uv aggro ‘isself eed go bleetin’ ta are muvver. . . Ee ates me ya know, . . wen we wus kids ee yoosed ta make I ‘old ‘is fishin rod for un wen we went fishin’ up the park. . . Ee yoosed read ‘is comic an I ad ta shout wen ee ‘ad a bite. . .One day ee fell asleep so I tied is line ta dis kiddos bike, an’ den I buggered off.! . . Next fing I erd un tryin ta untangle ‘is line from da playground roundabout.. Ar muvver went un giv un my spare reel den!. . . It twer werf it mind you , jest ta see un try an get da ‘ook out uv da park keepers trowsers wile ee wer cursin ‘un. . . an da git still wonts ta get on da cowncil !
Yer ! . . . wot joo reccon gonna ‘appen ta Two Jags ?. . . Sum seem ta fink deym gonna pension un off. . . Makes you laugh dun it ?. . . Ees anuvver git wot wer gonna save da workers frum exploitation an now ees like a pig ut da trough. . . . Den dere’s Neil an Glennice on da Brussells Gravy Train livin like millionaires an aw da rest uv da bleedin cabinet struttin rownd like cats wots got the cream. . . . an aw da time evryfings startin ta go pear shaped. . . . Ar anty Lils bloke reccons da biggest laugh is dey rail workers ! . . . Ol’ Stephen Byers pulls da bleedin plug an makes aw dere pensions and savings werfless den ee wunders why da buggers is on stike ! . . I means. . , I ‘ould be. . . . ‘ouldn’t you ?. . . Wot ‘appened ta aw dat ‘weem aw gonna be part uv it, an av shares init’, an aw that ! . . . I speck it’s gone same way as that baby wot got lost. . . . An you can be sure. . No bugger ull say sorry. . . No bugger ull own up an take the blame. . an no bugger ull get the sack. . . ..New Labour, new bleedin excuse. . . . Bring back Arfer Skargill I says. . . . . at least wiv ee you new labour wus workin fer us werkers, not like dis lot. Smilin’ at you wile dey puts up yer taxes an spends it aw on illegal immigrunts.
