View from a Shop Doorway
March 2002
Copyright by Charles Henry
Ow do all. . . I’ll be glad wen da bleedin wevver gets bet’er. . Summat aint right you know. Dey keeps on tellin us evryfings wunderful, ‘cept evry day we yers sum poor bugger’s losing dere jobs cos some firm sumwhere is closin’ down. Seems like dey finks if dey tells us everyfing in da gardens rosy aw you pratts ull believe it. . . . Maybe deym right ?. . Corse Tony don’t know wots goin’ on cos ee ain’t never yer. . . Aw da coppers went ta Lundon ta let da guvernment no dey wont ‘appy abowt losin’ dere overtime an us avin pretend-pleecmen instead of real uns, still I spose das da way iss goin’ and most of um ull be on sick leave an early retirement anyway.
Teechers er da next lot goin’ on strike. . . Funny aint it. . dey spends yers and yers goin ta college, preaching free love, ban da bomb, equaw rights fer lesbians, no smackin’ yer kids, aw smokin’ pot, an aw fings libraw wot messes up evryone, an nen wen evryfing goes pearshaped deym aw moanin’! . . Trubble is dey finks bein’ on ‘oliday ‘alf da time an still bein’ payed is normaw. . . . Dey aint noticed dat dey wots earns da money an pays da taxes as ta werk aw hours, aw yer, till dey drops.
Wot abowt Africa ? . . . . seems like Mr.Gawby er wot ever ees cawed av managed ta stitch up da lections. . Corse anyone who says anyfink abowt un ull be cawed a racist. . . Ar anty Lil reccons if a few more like Mr. Mandella don’t come out and say ees a crook and ‘elp chuck un out peeple ull fink theym aw crooks an no bugger ull trust any of um. . . . Dat’ll set fings back yers !
Did you watch POP Idaw ? . . no, nor I. . . My bruvver reccons ee turned out ta be a woofter. . I said to un, so what !. . we as ta listen to un singin’, not sleep wid un. . . Ee ‘ates me ya know. . Wen we wus kids ee yoosed ta lock I out da baffroom. . . Ar muvver yoosed ta make I share a baff wiv un ta save ‘ot wa’ter. . . Corse wile she wer dere ee wer aw sweetness an light, but wen she popped downstairs eed blow bubbles an’ do fings to I wiv da back scrubber we cant even tawk about ! . . Corse I dint know wot everyfing wer for den ! . . I reccon eve still got a rubber duck ee plays wiv now ! . . an ee wonts ta get on the cowncil !
Looks like dey mad buggers down da cowncil owse er gonna make aw you lot flog yer cars an ride bikes. deym gonna look a bit stupid wen dere aint no shops left cept dey sellin curry an a few lap dancing clubs. . .Dey seems ta fink da world ull keep goin if weem aw workin fer social sevices an da NHS. Better still dey finks dey can aw take early retirement an some uvver bugger ull still keep puttin a cheque in dere bank account an pay dere penshuns.
Any ow we aint erd nuffink frum Mr.Byers. . Ar anty Lils bloke reccons deym gonna give ‘is job ta Mandy Meddlesum in da next reshuffle. . . . Mandys avin more cumbacks dan da the Beverley Sisters cept wiv dey you gets free(Three). . . Mine you I spec Mandy ull bring is friend. Da papers ull av loads a fun avin ee back, mine you dey might send un straight ta Yorup sos ee can get yoosed ta fiddlin’ Yoros wiv Neely Boy an ‘is misses .
Yer uv you erd dajudges wonts da pleece ta stop arrestin peeple cos da prisons is aw full up. . . Well dey ownt av ta wurry much longer cos deym gonna make crime legil an give out free drugs wiv da condoms in da Schools. . . . At dis rate aw da villains ull be up da church asking fer fergiveness before dey signs on fer dere social security. . . an da sun ull be shining. . an da nightingales ull be singin’ in Berkley Square. . . An I’ll get a job working fer Microsoft. . . An ar Anty Lils bloke ull make a honest woman uv ar anty Lil. . . . . no, no, no. . . Das is a bit too far fetched !
