View from a Shop Doorway
April 2002
Copyright by Charles Henry
Yer diss is bet’er. . . Spring uv sprung, an’ I got me awd job back. . . Same as before, ‘cept I don’t get no sexual ‘arrisment no mor. . . Boss must uv got over ‘is bad back. . Still can’t ’spect evryfing you wants can you. . It’s Yorup ain’ it. . . Dey lot spoils evryfing !
Queen muvver dying wer a bit sad wern it. . Ar anty Lil reccons dey’ll try an use it like a landmark ta bolish aw on um. . . Can’t see it meeself. . . Why do um get so upset abowt dey blue bloods. Deym bin brought up ta make sure no bugger takes us over an terns us inta an ‘oliday camp fer rich Germans an Frogs. . . an aw da time weem payin dey footballin’ gits millions ta prance around kickin footballs. . An wot abowt dey gits wot makes millions out uv you buggers pension funds on da stockmarket. . . . Ar Anty Lils bloke reccons if you ad a pyramid scam goin’ on like dat down yor way, dey’d lock ee up an frow away da key. . . ‘member dat git up da road wot ad dat telephone scam goin’ ? . dey soon sorted ee out din’ um!
My bruvvers taken up ‘ang glidin’ . . . well eev bought a kite any’ow. . I reccon if ee takes it down Weston an ties it to ‘is ‘andlebars, wiv a bit a luck eel get stuck in da mud if da tides out ! . . Ee ‘ates me ya know!. . .wen we wus kids ee yoosed ta make I be ‘is ‘orse wen we played cowboys. . . no! no! . . ee dint get on me back ! . . Eed get the dogs lead an’ ‘itch I up to ‘is trolley an’ we’d be Wells Fargo.. . some days the bugger ould make I run rite round are estate free or four times collecting stuff. . . . Wot the ‘ell “Rag ‘an Bone” ‘ad ta do wiv Dale Robertson I’ll never know ! . . an’ ee wonts ta get on the cowncil !
‘Owse prices is still goin’ up dey reccon. . . .but is dey ? . . Dey reccon you lot er spendin’ millions on yer credit cards an’ aw the shops is boomin’ , . . but no buggers round yer is dancin fer joy. . . Boss reccons dey wots got it er keepin it in dere pockets an’ dey wot ant is spendin’ plastic like it’s goin out a fashion ! . . . . . .an now Gordy uv been an stitched up you lot wiv a gert tax ‘ike. . . . Corse ee reccons it’s ta save da ‘elf service but it ownt make no diffrence, . . . Dey lot couldn’t organise a breakout frum a open jail!. Givin dey money is like givin a shoplifter a overdraft. . . . ee ownt stop theevin !. . . eel jest be able ta go theevin ut a bet’er class a shop.
Wots reccon abowt changin da name uv da Colston Awl then . . . dey pratts down the cowncil finks ole Mr.Colston wer doin’ a few dodgy deals arrangin’ a bit uv iffy immigration wiv a few inlaws uv da local African chiefs. . . . . Ah well in them days I spec they probly fought it wer like National Service. . . . You no, a couple a yers down da coal mines in exchange fer a free trip ta Yorup. . . Summat like that, . . any ow it wer a long time ago now wern it ! . . . .We wus probly ‘angin apple steelers wiv da ‘orse theeves in they days. . . We never ‘ad no women telling us ow to live decent an ‘onerable lives in dey days eever did us. We wus still makin’ um aw do as dey wus bleedin tawd, . . . not like now! .. . . Deym aw lippier dan Clint Eastwood’s Arrangatang(monkey).
Dey lefties in Yorup uv managed ta stir up trubble fer George Dubya. . . Dey jest couldn’t stand it wen aw dey yanks was supportin’ un in is fight against terror so deys stirred up aw dis Anti-Semmelism. . . Cept if dey aint very careful dat Le Penn geezer ull be getting aw da votes in France. Dat’ll reely stir fings up. . . Bowt time too I reccon. . . Aw deese luvvies uv buggered up evryfing. . . Even sum poor old lady aint safe going down the road ta get ‘er fish supper. I reccon dey should bring back bleedin ‘anging. . . Summats got ta change.
