September 2002

Copyright by Charles Henry

Wots fink gonna ‘appen now den ? . Aw da luvvies wanna let Saddam just faff around. . Ar Anty Lil reccons as soon as George Dubya gets close ta finding da bombs an dat wot ees reely makin, eel just start playing up again ! . . . . Give da basket a inch an eel take ten miles. . .Tony uv bin fiddlin the figures agen like ee wer Jeffrey Archer’s accountant, (alegidly). . . First it wer street crime, den burglary, den ow many coppers we got, . . . an now da git is tryin ta make out sum uv dey wots reely clever an goes ta posh schools, is aw fick ! . . . jest so ee don’t av ta admit ees bin makin out weem aw getting clevererer. . . if you nose wot I meens.

Dey marchers up Lundon uv give un a wake up I reccon. . . Say wot you like, . . dat wer a elluv a lot a peeple wot turned out. . . Dey wus aw peacable anaw, . . fer now dat is, but if ol Blair keeps on stickin it to um, sum a dey ull tern nasty I reccon. . .Wot I wonts ta know is ow dey makes out deym not being cruel ta rats wen dey slowly poisons um, but deym bein’ cruel ta foxes wen da dogs get um. . . I wunder wot aw dey ded chickens un lambs fawt abowt it ?. . . I bet dey fawt it wer a right ol laugh, ey, don’t you ? . . ol foxy loxy chewin on dere wind pipes.

My bruvver yoosed ta ride a ‘orse. . . Yeh ee did! . . Wen we wer kids ee yoosed ta ride ar Ediffs Rockin’ ‘orse! . . . Yeh ee did ! . . reely! . . . . da big girls blouse ! . . . It wer ar Ediffs pride and joy, . but ee yoosed ta push er off just sos ee could pretend ee wer da Lone Ranger. . Ee ‘ates me ya no!. . Ee yoosed ta make I be Tonto. . . I’d av ta keep running around da room hidin’ behind chairs wiv me pea shooter shouting “Hi Ho Silver Aweee ey! “. . . . . Ee wanted ta be Runnin’ Bare an’ aw sum days, but ar Anty Lil soon put a stop ta dat.. . . . da perv. . . An’ ee wonts ta get on da cowncil !

‘Ows yer pension den ? . . . stockmarkets still in free fall . . . Pleece ull aw get deres, . . Tony an ‘is lot ull aw get deres, an a wage rise, . . an I spec aw da rest uv dey white’aw lot up Lundun ull get deres. . an’ dey aw got da bleeden cheek ta complain cos da farmers moans about getting’ less fer milk dan da supermarkets charges fer bleeden wat’er. . . . I’ve decided best fing fer I ta do is ta eever find sum rich widow woman an marry ‘er, . . er find a childless couple an get meself adopted !. . . . I can’t make up me mind wevver ta try fer a couple uv teechers say, oo wants a normal ‘elfy wun ta put frew college, er see if I can get wun like da bosses wife who wants I ta do a bit uv evening work. . . Me bruvver reccons I’n far too old now an’ if I aint careful aw I’ll get is a couple oo wants a free trial an a money back guarantee if I’n not ‘owse trained. . . Ee reccons I’ll have more chance if I has me navel pierced an lerns ta cook !

Diss Indian summer uv bin a bit uv a treat aint it. . . . Dey still caws it global warmin’ but we’ll av t see I reccon. . . It’ll soon start rainin’ and blowin’ a gale, . . an if we get wun uv dey cawd winters like wot are Anty Lils bloke tawks abowt dey’ll soon change dere bleedin tune. . . I ‘erd da ‘ole in da ozone layer wer getting’ smaller again, an even sum uv dey icecaps wer freezin’ up wer dey aint froze before. . . . Seems like it aint changin’ it’s just movin’ arownd abit. . . . Ah well noone cares wot I finks no more anyow. . . . I fink I’ll ask bosses wife if she wonts some help wiv er casserole or da back yard doin’next.

You Never Know . . I as ta fink abowt me Pension now don’t I.