April 2005
Copyright 2005 by Charles Henry
Stroof It’s blinkin April ! . . Ar muvvers been washin aw da finger marks off ‘er lace curtins. . Aw da politishuns er lyin like dere’s no tamorra. . An Gordin is ‘opin da voters ant realised eev bin steelin from um fer yers. . Jerry adams is abowt ta get a shamrock stuck in is lyin teeth cos George Dubya uv tawd un “eever disband yer privut army er I’n gonna turn you inta a unuck.” . . Wot ee meens is, if da moufy git dont stop tawkin double speek an lyin like ees Tony Blare. . . ees gonna turn they women loose on un wiv a carvin nife. . . Dat ul be a good days work.
Sure enuff deym findin dat dey wot smokes pot is aw goin off dere bleedin eds. Corse aw dey labor luvvies is blamin it aw on David Blunkett cos dey don’t wont un back. . . Gordy uv convinced aff da world dat we can aw get rich by borrerin money an bilding owses an rentin’ um aw out. . . Wot ee ant tawd um is dat in da end dere ownt be no bugger left ta pay um any rent.
Da tories uv ad ta sack sum git fer moufin off. You’d fink dey ad a deff wish sum of um. Still by da time da pensioners uv voted, an aw dey wots pissed off abowt dey Irish travlers wot don’t pay no tax, an nen buys a bleedin field an’ sets up ‘ome, . . Tony might be wishin ‘is bleedin nose ant grown sa long. . . Did you know dere’s only four million uv dey in aw Ireland. I don’t no why dey don’t bleedin stay dere. . . Nowhere ta go feevin I spose.
Dey keeps tellin aw we global warmin is comin, an so we can’t drive ar bleedin’ cars. . Nen da first sunny weekend deym aw off flyin round da world ! One rool fer aw dey an anuvver fer us. Do as I say not as I do.
Yer I erd dat coffi annan bloke av been avin trubble wiv is spratt. . . As soon as deres any freebies goin thyem aw at it noses in da troff. . . I still wonts ta no ware aw da money went wot we sent out fer dey soonami victims. . . evry time you switches on da tele deres still undreds uv da poor sods livin under a plank a wood. Criky, dey should awl av a bleedin mobile ‘ome by now !
Big bruvver is stickin is bleedin cameras evry where you looks. . Dey ownt be appy til weem aw tagged like sheep. . . You’ll av ta put yer ‘and up wen you wonts ta go ta da toilet soon I spec, . . jest like wen we wus ut scaw !
Jamie Oliver is tellin’ Tony wot da kids uv aways nown, . . scawl dinners is crap. . . oo scrapped damestic siance any ‘ow ! . . Well we tawd um . . . Grange ‘ill wer da start uv it. . . an now we got a nation uv degeneruts growin’ up. . oo da ell’s gonna look after aw we wen weem awd. . Gawd only knows.
Any ‘ow I’ll get back yer later wen Tony have annownced da ‘lection.
Well is aw appenin now. . . but av you noticed no buggers tawkin abowt Yorup ! . Nor nuffin abowt da Clarks workers oos lost der jobs . . nor dey 6000 Rover workers.